We are usually blinded by those we love
We touch on a very difficult topic in the field of feelings: love is a delicate and unpredictable business. Is that why artificial attempts to arrange personal life fail so often? And not a single human apparatus can calculate whether He is suitable for Her. So how to distinguish love, how to recognize it?
Defining love is not easy. You can instantly reveal such concepts as tolerance, sensitivity, clarify feelings of anxiety or regret, but with a feeling of love it will not work out quickly. And Ozhegov’s dictionary will not help: addiction - what kind of love is this? Addiction is not love yet. Moreover, love is not affection ... Of course, one can turn to the definition given by the ancient Indians: “There are three sources of human attraction: soul, mind and body. The attraction of souls breeds friendship. The attraction of minds is respect. The attraction of bodies gives rise to desire. The combination of the three drives gives rise to love ”, or to the words of our contemporary John Monay, who says“ about the heart-burning flame of passion ”.... But we take into account the statement of the Russian philosopher Vladimir Solovyov: "The task of love was never consciously posed, and therefore it was never solved as it should."
But it’s possible to distinguish sympathy from love. And, surprisingly, you can track at what point “just a friend”, who “just likes” and with whom “just interesting”, miraculously turns into a man of dreams.
This can be a completely insignificant, trifling event. Let's say you were criticized by strangers on the bus for ... the green color of your hair and the outfit that so harmonized with your hair. Suddenly, your buddy like a tiger defended your favorite color. Well, these "ill-mannered people" who "live in an incomprehensible age" and "all the more dare not hurt his girlfriend!" Got ... What in this case played the role of a catalyst of love - his desperate determination or what he first acquired he called you "my girlfriend" with everyone - only God knows that. You will remember this incident more than once along with smiles on your faces, but it was he who made you look at your friend with different eyes, made it possible to see in him not just a friend with whom you can have fun, but something more.
We will not give examples of more serious actions - for example, when you walked in the park in the evening, it got dark, and suddenly you were attacked ... In this case, the result is important. Thanks to this act, you realized that next to you is a person who, in difficult times, will be able to come to the rescue, you looked at him with different eyes and realized that he was more than just a friend for you. You have learned that love is between you.
But the questions - how to find out whether you are in love or not, whether it is love at first sight or just attraction, which spark kindles a fire in you when you encounter an attractive stranger of the opposite sex and obviously happens in you - have remained open.
Eugene and Denis met at the seminar, they could not take their eyes off each other. They passionately waited for a date. In the early days, they could not part for a minute. What is love or just physical attraction? Definitely difficult to answer. Harmonious intimate relationships can develop into deeply emotional ones. In the case of Zhenya and Denis, their sexual attraction only intensified for several months and it ended in a successful marriage.
Waiting can sometimes make love even more joyful. Although Marina was very attracted to Misha, she restrained herself. They hugged, chatted for hours and parted at midnight expecting more. A slow increase in desire resulted in harmonious intimate relationships that only strengthened the romantic feelings that they shared.
If this happens sooner or later, an unexpected sexual experience can trigger the hottest “chemical reaction”. A survey of 12,000 men and women, which was conducted by the journal Psychology Today, revealed that in 20% of cases one erotic episode was remembered by him for life. Masha, for example, every time with enthusiasm recalls the first night spent with Andrei, who later became her husband. “At that time he rented a room in an apartment owned by a strict hostess. She, of course, did not allow to bring female guests. We had no other place for dates, and one night we decided to enter the room secretly. Slow, painful ascent, first up the creaky stairs, then the opening of even more creaky doors was terrible, but it affected us unusually exciting. ”
But what if the first night is not success, but failure? Does this mean that the "chemistry of love" will no longer work? Not at all, sexopathologists say, this happens quite often when one of the partners is too impatient.
In conclusion, we give some signs by which you can recognize love. Perhaps they will help you distinguish between the love between you, deep romantic feelings, or for now only a prelude to them.
The first sign of love is high spirits. It is as if you are looking at the world through pink glasses. As they say, you don’t see “thorns on roses” - you rejoice that the bush with thorns is with roses. Everything that has recently occupied you has faded into the background, food doesn’t interest you, the words "sleep longer" are not relevant. You constantly talk and think only about your boyfriend. Feelings, emotions associated with him, the most sweet in this period.
You feel that you are ready to sacrifice everything for your loved one. You know that if necessary you won’t have to persuade - give all your strength, time and money.
But do not be upset if you have slightly different feelings - after all, each person is individual. And love, fortunately, has many facets that will allow everyone to experience this high feeling in order to become immensely happy.
Kira Volonskaya, teacher, family psychologist, psychotherapist
I think everyone recognizes love in his own way, distinguishes it from love and sympathy. At the age of 15, I thought for a long time that I LOVE a person, I thought that I was the happiest. Years later, I understand that it was an ordinary secret love.
Having met another person, I thought everything - here she is my love. I met a couple of years, now I understand - sympathy.
And when I still found a man whom I am now marrying, then I didn’t have to think anything. When I saw him, I understood - that’s it, mine. reply
To understand how much something is dear to you, you need to lose something. (3)
No need to think about whether you love or not. Everything will be clear in itself. The main thing is that the person is good.
Love is a complicated feeling, but when you can’t even have a minute without a loved one, then this is probably love!
Personally, when I do not see my beloved half a day, I have no mood, I can’t even hold back tears, they drip by themselves. So it happens, I myself am shocked this is my first time. (1)
“There are three sources of human attraction: soul, mind and body. The attraction of souls breeds friendship. The attraction of minds is respect. The attraction of bodies gives rise to desire. The combination of three drives gives rise to love. ”I am friends with him, I respect him, I sleep with him, but I do not love him! (1)
I was always a womanizer, but then I met her and fell in love very, very much, so that I could not have a minute without her. (1)
When a person calls every minute, falls asleep sms, does not give a pass, is interested in health, affairs, tries to help in problems, is always there in difficult times, and at the same time does not require anything - this is true love!
If a guy gives a rose - then look, do not prick. If you find a guy, then look, make no mistake.
How to recognize true love - recommendations
The fact is that love can easily be confused with a feeling of strong affection, with passion, and also with love. Experts say that it’s possible to say for sure that the feelings that arose between us are love only after a few years after the start of a relationship. The fact is that only after this time the passion subsides, all the advantages and disadvantages of the chosen one become, and the grinding process also takes place.
In order to recognize true love, it is necessary to determine what exactly you love your man for, and if you cannot name at least five qualities and you put external data in the first place - this is not love. In addition, if your couple does not have mutual respect, it is not necessary to say that you love each other. A person who respects his partner does not make independent decisions for two.
In addition, to recognize true love, you need to determine if there is self-interest in your relationship. Remember that people who love each other will not try to extract self-interest from a relationship, on the contrary, they will try to make their loved one happy even without looking at their own needs. The main thing that distinguishes a loving person is a desire to do good deeds for a loved one.
True love should not have any jealousy, because a loving person will never deny the independence and freedom of a loved one. A loving person not only does not impose his feelings, but also does not require proof of feelings from his partner. To be completely sure that the feeling you experience is true love. It must be remembered that a loving person always remembers that the second half, despite spiritual unity, remains a person with his own interests.
How to determine love by human behavior
Remember how your loved one behaves during a conversation with you. If during a conversation he or she begins to straighten his back, tries to look taut or taller, pulls in his stomach and straightens his shoulders, straightens his hair, and also stealthily periodically looks at his reflection - you can be sure that your feelings are mutual.
The fact is that all of the above factors clearly indicate that your chosen one is trying hard to make a good impression on you.
In addition, in order to recognize mutual love, you must observe your beloved. In the event that your man is in love with you, regardless of age, in your presence he will constantly sweat, blush, drop various objects, very quickly or, conversely, slowly speak. Strong excitement when communicating with a loved one is an integral part of displaying sincere feelings.
To recognize love, you should analyze the words of your young man or girl, especially when he or she talks about herself. A slight undisguised boasting and demonstration of one’s virtues clearly indicate interest in your person. What other details will give a man in love with you?
Great excitement in your presence
A banal physiology can fail a person - hormones make the heart pound faster, breathing accelerates. Perspiration may appear on the forehead, and due to drying out in your mouth, your vis-a-vis will constantly swallow and lick your lips.
Due to hormonal storms and nervousness, the brain will work largely on autopilot, hence unreasonable gestures and movements - rubbing hands, touching earlobes, twisting hair on a finger, even trying to sit down and stand up, turn around and go somewhere return.
Nevertheless, this condition should not be confused with general confusion when a person has thoughts in his head about some very important topic that occupy all his attention. However, in this case, stressful reactions of the body described above will not be added to confusion.
If someone with you is constantly trying to emphasize their best sides, this is one of the signs that the observed person is breathing unevenly.
However, you should not take this attribute into account if you have an unusually recognizable type of people who are very important to everyone to like. It would be better to talk with mutual friends and try to compare how a person behaves in your presence and outside him.
Smiles and waves?
The following two signs are easy to notice, they will help to recognize love. Your jokes always amuse him (her), and he (she) will never miss the opportunity to meet with you at a party of mutual friends or to call out in the hallway of the university. Unless of course you have already passed that stage when you silently look at each other with big eyes, and whoa cute little boy does not think about something like “oh my god!
If I say hello to her now, I’ll look like a complete idiot, because she will immediately understand that I’ve gotten a headache! ” If you are somewhere within this beautiful teenage game, a fear of approaching will not mean a lack of sympathy.
From the side you always know better
If tactless friends are already tired of their jokes at the expense of your sympathy - this is certainly sad, but there is a flip side to the coin. Friends of your vis-a-vis are also not dumb shtirlits, and they will surely somehow show his feelings for you - where with a joke, where with a meaningful look, and where - with a hint, calculated as if only for his own.
How to recognize a man’s true love
For this, one should not attach great importance to the spoken words. The fact is that most men can swear love with sincerity on their faces, but at the same time not love, and at the same time not say a word, but burn out from love for you. That is why the first thing to pay attention to is not sign language. If in your society a man tries to keep his back straight, to draw in his stomach, straighten his shoulders, and also tries to smooth his face, this is a clear sign that he loves you.
In addition, it is recommended to pay attention to the position of the body of a man during communication with you. In the event that the body, legs and arms are located in such a way as to be in common space with you and at the same time to fence off the others, and besides, he stares intently into your eyes, then this is more than a clear evidence of love. If a man tries to constantly be in your "intimate zone", which is located at a distance of about half a meter around your body, this indicates that he is trying to get closer to you.
How to recognize a man’s strong love
Psychologists also recommend that you turn your attention to the emotions that a man experiences while communicating with you. If he is in love, then in your company he will laugh, joke, smile and at the same time will not take his eyes off you. In addition, if a man has serious intentions, he will try to provide support, surprise or please you.
It is also recommended to observe a man, since most men in the company of their beloved woman feel somewhat embarrassed, become somewhat absent-minded, often blush, and their speech can be either slow or accelerated. At the same time, one of the most effective ways to determine a man's love is to talk with friends, who often have complete information about the true feelings of your lover. Be prepared for the fact that you may not hear what you are counting on, but even then you will find out the truth, which is much better than futile expectations.
I do not know whether I love? How to understand that you truly love a person?
Special "techniques" for understanding love:
- You stop noticing everything around
For you, there is no one but your beloved. You don't need anyone. You “forgot” all the girlfriends and friends. They are offended, but you cannot give them as much attention as you did before. He is the center of your attention.
- You buy the most fashionable things
You somehow do not care how much they cost. You even go into debt to buy what you like and to the one you love.
- You constantly think about this person
Think everywhere and always. Your thoughts are dedicated only to him. The "frequency" of your thoughts is very high. And you can’t think less. It just doesn’t work out.
- Do you understand that the talent of a poetess has revealed in you
The lines rhyme themselves. You are not doing anything for this. By itself, easy and laid back.
- You want to scream and talk about your feelings to everyone you know
You talk about him even more than you think. You don’t notice, but you say.
- You are looking for a reason to meet him, you are looking for a reason to call or message
If it is unavailable - you are nervous.
- Your heart literally breaks out of your chest
When you, at least by chance, see him.
- Making contacts with a loved one
You communicate with his brothers or sisters in the hope that you will be closer to a “certain” person.
- In a conversation, you often mention the name of the one you love
You yourself are surprised by this.
- You dream of it more often than anything else (or someone else)
You don’t feel like waking up. She would always sleep if he dreamed of you every night.
- Do you imagine him walking nearby, kissing you, hugging you
You fantasize so much that you don’t even hear (don’t notice) that your name is.
- Do you dream of being his girlfriend
Dreams are so strong that you start to cry when you think that this is unrealistic.
- You collect his photos
If you have them, you look at them as if you want them to come to life. You, in secret, hope for such a "revival."
- You started to get involved in fortune telling
Купила несколько колод карточных, зависла над ними. Ты не теряешь надежды, и веришь только в хорошее.
- Ты ищешь информацию о нем, как о любимом актере
Ты и Интернет весь перекопала, и у знакомых переспросила все, что только возможно о нем.
- На тебя неожиданно нападает бессонница
Ты, вроде бы, и поспала до утра, но не можешь вызвать сон, как ни стараешься.
Тебе хочется улыбаться, при чем – постоянно. You are a girl - summer. You have collected all the colors of rainbow and positive. Do you feel that.
How to know that Love has come?
- You listen to those songs that “bring” you associations whispering about him
Which direction in music is not so important.
- You are jealous of him if you notice with some girl
Even jealous of his sister (to his own or to his).
- Wherever you are - you see his features in every face
Sometimes it even scares you from this.
- Your soul is restless when it has something bad
You know that you would do everything for him if he asked for your help.
- You lit a cigarette when you realized (thought) that he was not alone
You felt what real envy is. And not white, but black.
- You want to look into his eyes more often, catch his eyes on yourself, hear compliments from him ....
- You would give everything for one declaration of love!
She would say endlessly that you love him.
- Do you expect from him, at least a casual touch
So you expect that from expectations you feel frequent trembling throughout your body.
- You - unconsciously, as if in the order of things, help him out with money when he needs it.
- You begin to "flow" into his taste preferences
And you listen to the same music as he does, and you watch the same programs. You even dress, at times, like him.
- You read articles in magazines on how to make a guy fall in love, bewitch him
Rereading carefully, as if absorbing every line. Although I had never done such things before.
- You consider him a very close person
The ones you think you've never met before. And you will not meet, because you understand that he is the most unusual among all the other people.
- You have not become as responsible as you were before
You were late for work, then for study. And you’ve been late since he appeared in your life. Understanding that this is not good, you continue to develop not punctuality.
- All the dreams in the clouds of which you fly are somehow connected with him
You understand that you could not have dreamed, lived, breathed, or thought without him.
- You start doing things unusual for you
If yesterday you could not stand the diet - today you are interested in all the dietary techniques of the world.
- You started to look seriously at a figure
I bought scales and a battery for them. In short, I prepared everything so as not to miss the raid of extra pounds and grams.
- You fly, not walk
Really, you don’t feel the earth under your feet at all. It seems to you that she simply disappeared, or she was never there.
- You hate every pimple on your body
You want to look perfect. And you do almost everything for this!
- You are very nice to those guys whose names are the same as your beloved
You will understand that it is love when you pronounce his name.
Believe that which is checked and proved by you. Love cannot be confused with anything else. It’s enough just to feel it ...
Signs that Love has come
She is the strongest. When the one who you think is nearby has stolen your quiet life.
It would jump out if you let him go free. The heartbeat is crazy (in rhythm).
Everywhere: in thoughts, in heaven, on earth, among people. You're flying. And many have already seen this.
- Detachment from white light
You don't care what happens. You are concentrated purely on a guy who has occupied his own “area of life”.
You really want to live. But - as much as possible. With a minimal amount of pessimism.